My Mom: no, I’m ugly. The ugliest. I’m a horrible pig of a person
Other people: (to me) you look just like your mom
Me: so I’m ugly
Now:
My 9 year old: mom you’re beautiful
Me: thank you! I don’t always see it very well in myself though because my brain lies to me a lot and tells me I’m ugly even though I’m not. But I can’t be ugly because we look a lot alike and you’re beautiful. My brain is just a bully
My kid: that’s right! We’re BOTH beautiful!
Me: yes we are!
_____
And that my friends is called thinking about how your self depricating words can hurt other people around you. I can’t see that I’m beautiful most of the time but I can acknowledge that the issue is my ability to see myself in a positive way.
But calling myself ugly just hurts the people who love me. It could even convince my kid that they are also ugly and further the cycle
And sometimes it’s really hard just by saying “I’m being mean to myself because my brain lies a lot matters
My daughter: “mama, your belly is chubby.”
Me, internally: ouch
Me, out loud: “well, yeah! Because I am chubby! But also because I grew TWO WHOLE BABIES in it, and that stretched it out a bit!”
My daughter, in the most encouraging tone possible as she reaches up and pets my belly: “it did SUCH a good job.”
“And remember: the sky is the limit! You can be anything you want to be!”
“Thank you. I want to be a secretary.”
That stopped them short. “What?”
“A secretary,” she repeated.
“But…” they trailed off, dumbfounded. “Why? You could be a CEO, a scientist, a law–”
“I don’t want to be a CEO,” she said. “I want to be a secretary.”
They scoffed. “You want to answer phones all day?”
She smiled. “Yes.”
“Schedule appointments?”
“I like organizing.”
“Be a second banana?”
An affirmative nod. “I’m skilled at helping.”
“I just don’t understand,” they said. “HOW could you be okay with all of this?!”
“I enjoy the work.”
“BUT YOU CAN BE WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BE!”
“I know.”
“Then WHY?!”
She shrugged.
“Because I want to be a secretary.”
Honestly though, this is very similar to my mom’s experience. She’s always been super bright, but has realized as she’s gotten older that intellectual pursuits just aren’t her jam. She dropped out of her PhD program to have kids, and although she has her master’s and was a pretty good school psychologist, she hated having to make huge decisions. She’s a church secretary now and loves it, and she’s GOOD at it; she’s letting her school psych certification permanently expire this year with zero regrets. If you can be anything you want, that includes the things we don’t tend to value as highly as a society. Not everybody is built for or wants the “respectable” careers.
My grandma did this to me, saying that i didn’t want to get stuck on the outside, making coffee and filing papers. The thing is, that’s exactly what I’ve always enjoyed the most, making and organizing things. That would be enough for me.
Nobody seems to realize that if you tell people they can be anything they want to be they will. And not everyone WANTS to be doctors or lawyers or CEOs or scientists. Sometimes, they just want to be a secretary.
it took me a LOT of therapy before i was able to shrug off the effects of the Gifted Child Upbringing enough to realize that what i really wanted to be was a house husband and Local Queerdad who writes novels sometimes. god, i’m so much happier now.
ain’t nothing wrong with an ordinary life. don’t let anybody tell you you have to be the top dog to be worth anything.
There’s nothing wrong with a simple life. Be whatever you want to be,
If you’re happy, you’ve made it. That’s the real definition of success.
I mean getting the government running is a priority RN. I’m sure Dems will get to it in time
Like they got around to closing Gitmo right?
the bill wasnt to fund ICE by itself the bill was to FUND THE GOVERNMENT PERIOD. Like seriously voting no to stop funding the government specifically to stop ICE from being funded is 1. not actually going to deal with the problem of abolishing ICE and 2. Only will continue to harm those who are affected by the shutdown. Like those whos families need the welfare programs that the bill voted to fund??
If we want to abolish ICE you dont do that by just saying ‘hi i vote to stop funding it’ once?? it takes LEGISLATION and WORK. Not just voting on one bill that isnt even focused on the issue at hand.
this is such a bullshit outrage piece and yall keep falling for it. incredible.
in 2019 we ARE reading articles and making sure we comprehend their contents and we are NOT posting headlines and reacting in outrage without even attempting to accrue further information
